JustSayin’
Get to know the band.
From time to time we’ve been interviewed by reporters for high school newspapers or other local rags. (We have a lot of friends and their kids, or their kids’ friends sometimes use us as fodder for a reporting assignment.)
Here are transcripts of a few of them.
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We’ll begin with….
Rock and Roll Rabble
Interviewer: Before we began, you mentioned that you’re favorite band is the Beatles and you listen to everyone from The Rolling Stones to James Brown to Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn. You have quite a list of Rock Royalty as influences. How do you think you fit in this pantheon?
RJ: You must be kidding. I wouldn’t even mention us with them. They’re Rock Royalty, we’re just Rock Rabble.
Interviewer: Do you aspire to royalty status?
RJ: We know our limitations.
Interviewer: RJ, can we discuss your music? You write most or all of the songs. Can we explore your inspirations?
RJ: Less about my inspirations than my limitations.
Interviewer: How much of what you write is autobiographical? It seems like a lot of personal stories.
RJ: They’re just stories. I like to tell stories. About who, what, when? You can fill in your own answers. But not so much about me.
Interviewer: Are you political? It seems some of your music, posts and cartoons address very political themes.
RJ: I don’t think we’re any more political than anyone else. We do comment on nonsense when we see it. And a lot of politics is pure nonsense. Most politicians are bags of hot air.
Interviewer: What about other songs, like “Bernie the Weasel”? Someone you know?
RJ: Doesn’t everyone know one?
Interviewer: Do you have a favorite song?
RJ: Whatever I’m playing or working on now.
Interviewer: How do you think you rank as a writer?
RJ: Rank? Yes. Very rank, I’d say.
Interviewer: As you know, I’m curious about your cartoon character, Super Sewer Man. Where did he come from?
RJ: A sewer.
Interviewer: No. I mean how did you come up with the character.
RJ: You don’t think he’s real?
Interviewer: But who is he fighting? Bad guys?
RJ: He’s just an update of a comic I used to draw in 7th grade – it was better than paying attention in class. He’s just fighting characters I like to lampoon. For the most part they deserve it. Buffoons, morons, and other oxygen sucking wastes of space.
Interviewer: Why these people?
RJ: They’re easy targets.
Interviewer: And you like the easy targets?
RJ: I’m not clever enough for anything else.
Interviewer: Let’s get back to the music. I’ll name a song and you tell me what it’s about, what inspired it, or something that makes it come alive.
RJ: That’s a tall order – making our stuff come alive. Jesus raised Lazarus. He wouldn’t get far on this mess.
Interviewer: A Special Place In Hell.
RJ: One of my daughters gives me this line – her response to many of my smart-ass remarks. Makes a good theme for a song and teaches her not to tease me because it will just end up in some stupid lyrics.
Interviewer: Photographs.
RJ: Years ago I was in a band that played a few gigs and we had some informal pictures of ourselves just horsing around. One of those pics brings back some memories. No idea where any of these people are today.
Interviewer: Comin’ Home
RJ: I grew up during the Vietnam war. The war may have been stupid, or stupidly fought, but the guys that went were just doing what they were asked. My draft number was high, but I had friends who went. Some came home in a box. This is for them. But you could apply it to Afghanistan, Iraq or wherever.
Interviewer: Our World has Changed
RJ: Just a series of short stories about love getting people through difficult times.
Interviewer: Hey! Carmen
RJ: Yeah. This one. A neighborhood trollop. As a cop once told me I’d be surprised how common these are in even nice neighborhoods. We probably have a gazillion in ours.
Interviewer: Songs of Times
RJ: This one was written long, long ago in a Ford Galaxy far away. But it still works.
Interviewer: Ou Est Le Cour
RJ: I’ve heard French ballads forever. A bit too syrupy for me. I just wanted to see if French could work with a simple rock song. You’ll have to be the judge. But my French is so bad I could just be telling people to pour ketchup on their shoes.
Interviewer: A Thing of the Past
RJ: A stream of consciousness about a job and a boss I had that was very frustrating. My situation was not helped by being well over 40. (At the time, anyway – I’m much younger now.)
Interviewer: What about Everyone’s a Rebel
RJ: It’s just like it says: It’s hard to be cool when you’ve got no wheels and you’re just hanging around the shelter waiting for the bus. Trying to be cool when you are not is just plain funny. That’s why we don’t even pretend. It wouldn’t work.
Interviewer: Beer Muscles
RJ: The whole collection we call Bar Songs revolves around bars. Songs about bars or songs you might hear from their juke box. …Do they even have those anymore? Several were inspired by a ‘lost summer’ of mine from long ago. It’s a bit hazy.
Interviewer: And what about…
RJ: You keep talking. I’m just going home to get some sleep.
And then…
Death and Taxes
Interviewer: Thanks for doing this interview. Well, let’s get started. I’d just like to get to know you a bit.
Ralph: Well, okay. But only just a bit.
Interviewer: Let’s begin with what you do for a day job.
Ralph: Are you suggesting that we don’t have much future in the entertainment biz?
Interviewer: No no. Just asking what you do for a living today.
Attila: I throw things around a loading dock. Sometimes it’s the one I work at.
Fritz: I’m a hit man.
RJ: Fascinating Fritz. Try again.
Fritz: Pizza delivery.
RJ: So check your pizza to make sure it doesn’t have any long, greasy strands of hair in it.
Ralph: Mostly I just sit in a cubicle and have a staring contest with a computer screen.
RJ: …And?
Ralph: The screen always wins.
RJ: No. She wants to know your job – not your IQ.
Ralph: Well, I do emails sometimes.
Interviewer: RJ, what about you?
RJ: Cartoons.
Interviewer: Cartoons?
RJ: Cartoons.
Interviewer: Just cartoons?
RJ: Super Sewer Man.
Interviewer: Attila. What about you? What’s your position?
Attila: Right now, I’m sitting.
Interviewer: I can see this isn’t getting very far. Can I ask how you all met?
Attila: Same parole officer
Fritz: Funny. Family connections
Ralph: Very connected.
Attila: And I’m a brother on their uncle’s cousin’s side.
Fritz: Twice removed?
Ralph: Not enough removed.
Interviewer: So you’re family.
RJ: Unfortunately, it would appear so, yes.
Interviewer: How did you get together?
Fritz: I came by car
Attila: I rode a donkey.
Ralph: An ass on an ass.
Interviewer: Yes, okay. How did the band form?
RJ: A lot of people in our family play instruments. We don’t, but that hasn’t stopped us.
Interviewer: Hmmm. Okay. Well, where did the name come from?
Ralph: Early on we were told not to think too big. After all, we’re just another garageband. We said, fair enough. Then that’s who we are.
Interviewer: You’ve been together for several years now. How would you describe yourselves?
Attila: We’d probably use words.
Fritz: Yeah. That’s the easiest way. Beats hand gestures.
Attila: Or making faces.
Interviewer: What would you call your music?
Attila: Bubba.
Interviewer: Well, thanks for the recording of your jam session anyway. I like it. But the sound was pretty rough. Have you ever thought of going into a studio and doing some professional recording?
Ralph: That costs real money, right?
Fritz: And it wouldn’t help our playing. That’s the real problem. If you want real good sound we’d also have to hire professionals.
Ralph: It proves we don’t make music with a computer anyway.
Interviewer: Well I like your stuff.
Attila: Maybe, but I’ll bet you’re tone deaf.
Interviewer: Well, like I said, I like what you do. What formal training have you had?
Attila: Potty.
Ralph: When did that happen?
Attila: They don’t think I’m house broken yet.
Interviewer: Attila. Your real name’s Anton, right? Sounds more normal. Can I just call you that?
Attila: No.
Ralph: People have tried. They’ve all regretted it.
Fritz: He’s been called Attila by everyone ever since we’ve known him. It suits him.
RJ: It may not be cool like ‘Ringo Starr’. But for him it works. Fitting.
Interviewer: Okay. Attila, can I ask you a question?
Attila: I thought that’s what you are here for.
Interviewer: Okay, Attila. How did you get your nickname?
Attila: Behaving badly from the beginning. I am what I am and what I am is Attila, the 9th reincarnation.
Interviewer: Hmmm…. Well….
RJ: He follows his own star.
Interviewer: Yes. Well, moving on. When you are on your deathbed, what would you like to say you’ve accomplished in this life?
Ralph: When we’re WHAT?
A little snippet of this one…
The “14 Minutes of Fame” World Tour
Interviewer: Fritz, thanks for your time. I understand you don’t do a lot of interviews. Why are you giving me this one?
Fritz: It helps spread the rumors.
Interviewer: In fact, I did hear a rumor about a possible tour
Fritz: Oh? Well, it’s just a rumor.
Interviewer: Where would you go? What would the tour agenda look like?
Fritz: Well, it would be a piece of paper with a bunch of cities written on it.
Interviewer: Umm. Yes. Well, what cities would this tour visit?
Fritz: There are several possible cities with international flavor.
Interviewer: Such as?
Fritz: Oh, lots of flavors: Cinnamon, chocolate, vanil…
Interviewer: Now you’re just pulling my leg. Where would you go?
Fritz: I never touched your leg.
Interviewer: Any cities I’d know?
Fritz: Maybe, but I doubt it. Rome. London, Paris, Amsterdam
Interviewer: Well of course I know them. They’re some of the biggest cities in Europe!
Fritz: Not really. These would be closer to home:
- Rome, Georgia
- London, Ontario
- Brussels, Wisconsin
- Paris, Tennessee
- Oslo, Minnesota
- Dublin, Ohio
- Venice, Florida
- Madrid, Iowa,
- Amsterdam, New York
- Florence, Alabama
Interviewer: Oh.
Fritz: Yeah. You don’t sound as excited now.
Interviewer: No, I think it would still be fun. I’d love to hear your music live.
Fritz: Or, as live as it gets. Some of us are getting older and need to nap in the middle of a set. (I’m talking to you, RJ)
Interviewer: Funny. Where would you play in these cities?
Fritz: We don’t know. Basements. Garages. Wherever. Maybe we’ll just show up and set up on a street corner or in a park. Outside venues are great for panhandling.
Interviewer: So you don’t really have this all arranged?
Fritz: No, it’s just a rumor.
Interviewer: Then why are we discussing it.
Fritz: You tell me. You’re the one spreading the rumor.
And finally….
Attila For President!
Interviewer: I heard a rumor that Anton is running for President of the United States.
Ralph: Anton? We call him Attila – it suits him better. And, yes, that’s the rumor.
Interviewer: Why is he running?
Attila: Why not? Everyone else is.
Interviewer: Yes, but why do you think you should run? What do you have to offer?
Ralph: I lay it out in my stump speeches, but let me read a few statement from my stump:
- You can vote for me. Don’t be embarrassed. You could do worse.
- The American People want to hear the candidates address issues the American People want to hear about!
- Many times I have clearly and fearlessly stated that I strongly support the constitution!
- I oppose my opponents! Just the fact that they are not for me shows their poor judgment.
- I promise I will do a good job! And, a promise is a promise!
- I do not say the popular things just to be popular. I say them to get your attention and your vote!
- I take a stand in favor of goodness because goodness is the right way to be! Those who would tell you otherwise are simply wrong!
- I am against poverty! It stinks! Really. Smells very bad. Someone do something!
- Debates are not all they’re made out to be. It’s so difficult to know who won. I favor a good old fashioned duel.
- I propose we should have a good economy with no more poor people!
- I’ve always been proud of many things.
- It takes a village to be a village, and we should always acknowledge that.
- Wherever I’ve been I have met many people who shake my hand
- I apologize for that fart. I assure you it was completely out of character.
- I strongly oppose all evil-doers that are against us!
- I believe in family values, puppy dogs, kitty kats, mousy mouses, and the inherent goodness of all people who are inherently good. Let me be clear: Goodness is good!
- Everyone Clap!!
- Damn it! Is this doggie doo under my shoe? Hey! Don’t print that!
Interviewer: Those are your positions?
Attila: That’s the rumor.
Interviewer: Are you even eligible to be President?
Ralph: Well, he was born here so that takes the citizenship issue off the table. He even has a birth certificate to prove it
Interviewer: From which hospital?
Ralph: North Side Veterinary Hospital
Interviewer: You mean “veterans” hospital”?
Ralph: Veterinary.
Interviewer: Do you think you has even a slight chance of winning?
Attila: Have you seen who else is running?! You could run a bucket of mud and it would have a chance.
Ralph: And I think the past several elections have shown this to be true.
Interviewer: Are you a Republican or a Democrat?
Attila: Are you kidding?!! Have you seen the cement blocks they are running as candidates?
Interviewer: Then, what party are you?
Attila: I’ll call it the Party Hearty Party!
Interviewer: You are kidding.
Attila: No, I don’t think so. I hope not anyway.
Interviewer: Do you have a platform?
Attila: No. Usually I just stand on the ground and talk. Sometimes people stand and listen for a minute.
Ralph: Then they roll their eyes and leave.
Attila: One time a guys eyes got stuck like that and they had to airlift him to the hospital. Now that was entertainment!
Interviewer: No. I mean do you have a set of principles and programs you would implement?
Attila: I’ve been told I have no principles, so I guess that one would be a no. I do have several programs I like. But the networks cancelled most of them.
Interviewer: Wow! Less than five minutes and I think I need a drink.
Attila: Me too! I like the way you think. Let’s go – you buy.